Twice now I have attended local conferences for women and both times I have found it just may not be my cup of tea so to speak. The first one a couple of years ago, one of the speakers I knew because I attended their tent revivals that then spilled into weekly meetings at a church, I spoke with one of the nights of the conference. She asked me to send her my experience in deliverance ministry throughout the years, I did so and never heard anything back at all. The same night of that very conference I had a book signed by one of the speakers and they gave me a business card with an email address on it. I tucked it away and then there was a day I was concerned about another minister and not knowing if the email was valid or not, I actually sent an email. I was so disappointed in the tone of the email and could not believe one minister would not reach out to another minister. My life is not like that. I am drawn with and by my heart, if someone is hurting and I see it and am in a position to reach out to them I do. Why are ministers sometimes so above others that they do not realize their words can be cutting or feel they are above others that they don't even respond to the one that sent the information. I am really finding myself more and more not liking what I see of true ministry because of either actions or non-actions and then sitting back and seeing them get elevated. When is God going to clean up the church?
Then, I have had 3 warning dreams of 2 key people in a ministry, and they are doing something not above board and hiding it and it seems the very ministry seems to give them elevation and more power in their positions. Do you think it was a case of being hood winked somehow? I can see why Holy Spirit moved me away from the city lights, noises and sounds of Nashville to the further SE suburb where I currently reside. No fancy TJ Maxx but sincere folks that live out here.
Being with one of my children last week made me realize I can still cook great meals and they were truly appreciated by my child. In fact, on their birthday they asked me to make shish kabob's grilled instead of going out to dinner and I marinated the chicken and prepped the skewers with the meat and vegetables. They agreed to grill them for me. Let's see what I made last week: pinwheel flank steaks baked until fork tender; lemon dill chicken; fork tender beef stroganoff and then the chicken kabob's. I also made another recipe of the soda cracker candy and gave some to my friends, a person that I corresponded with at the women's conference and then froze the rest. Moms tend to give up personal things in their life to do for their children. I have found the one day in which the conference would have been good for me was the day of my child's birthday and I felt my place was with my child and not at a conference. They encouraged me to go be with my friends and have fun and I did gather for dinner one evening but local with a few friends. Going to this conference was a sacrifice to me because I already had an Airbnb booked a lot closer to the conference then travelling about 1.5 hours away from my residence. I did go 1 day but I still wish I could have been there on the first day of the conference those were the people I wanted to see but as things in life worked out, I went on another day in which the speakers were not really the big drive who I would have chosen to see. Then there were 2 advertised speakers I wanted to see, and they couldn't make it. It appears to be that maybe I might have missed the mark with this conference. I know what it is, women and all of their personalities is a bit too much for me when thrown in the mix of the crowd.
Four times during the day I went in search for a person to thank them in person and each time at the registration table area they were not there. I gave up on meeting this person in person. It was the last time and there was an older gentleman at the table as I was saying don't forget to give the Amish chocolates and the soda cracker candy with a handwritten note of thanks to this person. The gentleman asked how me, and my friend liked the conference, and I responded the worship was great and to me that was about it. He responded that I came that day to meet him and the Lord had words for me through him. That man ministered to both of us right there in the lobby. He actually had me say out loud these phrases and that the Lord was about to launch me like a spaceship that is how rapid it will be. I am not looking for elevation quite honestly if what I have experienced with ministers is what it is all about. I recently placed an offering into a minister's life and no thank you note was ever sent to me. I was not looking for one but, in another instance, I also blessed former pastors of mine with an offering, and I received a thank you note handwritten in the mail from them. Why is that in ministry? Too busy to acknowledge a kind gesture maybe because I am a person who does not mince words and speaks forth what I see, and I am not a yes person but a truth person. I believe that rubs people the wrong way and others so graciously receive the words of encouragement brought forth via Holy Spirit through me speaking it forth.
Did you ever feel like you were not welcome somewhere. You can just sense it in the atmosphere? Well, an older ministered walked by me and my friend and did not give a friendly look to me at all when they walked by. My friend just smiled at them. This is a minister of God that is a strong influence in other minister's lives mind you. Then we meet a total stranger that so kindly ministered to us in the lobby. Why is that? This man of God that came to this conference to serve while his wife attended the conference was probably one of the main reasons, I was to attend because he was in a position at one time to confirm something I pray in faith for strangers to receive creative miracles. He assured me those prayers are being answered. I was amazed at that. God found a way to see the prayers of faith are being activated in the lives of people. After he ministered to us, I then felt the unction to bring this full circle now this time of ministry and said we both flowed in the prophetic and would it be ok to pray and see what Holy Spirit then had for him. He said yes and the prophetic flowed through us both. I brought with me two 100.00 bills but the opportunities in which Holy Spirit showed me blessing 2 people never took place, so I still had them. In a moment Holy Spirit had me ask if it was ok to bless this minister with a 100.00 bill to put towards his church or wife or whatever and he accepted the money. He also shared how the Lord has been supernaturally blessing him and he shared a few examples with us.
I was in Atlanta for the Saturday evening closing and was watching it livestream and could not believe what I was hearing one of the preachers taking up the offering. The very same man was being used as an example. The one story he shared with us about a coffee shop blessing was actually the minister on the platform sharing how he blessed them. Then another minister follows up with that saying they could confirm that story because he blessed her with a 100.00 bill. I wonder if he took the seed offering, I sowed into his life and then released it to bless another.
I have the opportunity in the near future to go and be ordained under a ministry if I choose to. I completed all the course requirements back in 2014. I actually spoke with this minister one day of the conference and they encouraged me to come for the ordination and they were going to give me the application. I got busy and was walking out of the bookstore and they came after me with the application and handed it to me. There was something they said to me that caused me to pay attention. By not following through with the ordination there was an assignment of death over your destiny. I had them repeat it to me again so I could write it down. I asked Holy Spirit for a dream last night and in the dream this minster was visiting me with in my home. Maybe that may be a confirmation. There is part trepidation in me because of the way I have seen ministers and some ministries act that causes me to run far away from ministry instead of running to ministry in the form of getting ordained. I do not want to act like that if I was then classified under that category of being a minister.
One more final thought, the words the pastor had me speak forth were: he had me say the first portion like 3 times or so "It is time I will now release it." This pastor also gave me his phone number because he wanted me to call him with updates in my life.
This particular conference sent an email inquiring if we wanted to volunteer during the conference. I replied I would volunteer if it was prophetic ministry or deliverance ministry and let them know those are the areas, I am trained in. I never heard back from them one way or another. I am not in ministry to compete. I am here to see the captives set free in Jesus' name.
Please do not take this like I have not forgiven the people involved in this blog. I have and being human it still can make you feel a bit uncomfortable and that is something I still might have to work on.
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