I think I have been viewing way too many YouTube videos exposing ministers/ministry/prophets/apostles etc. Reason being, I am noticing it may be taking a toll on me. How much can one take of this even though it may be reality/truthful without it bogging you down in your life. My friend a few weeks ago I was sharing with them about a particular ministry exposing a few ministers and I shared with them to view a few of their videos to see what is being shown. They apparently did and were not so convinced as I was by viewing the same videos. They had a concern about me and shared with me recently how they noticed I was tending to lose hope that I so often walk in and share with others. I began looking back on my life and how did I miss it big time when I was following and donating to a few ministries. I suppose it looked like I was walking back in my life and beginning to second guess when Holy Spirit would lead me somewhere, donate money somewhere, etc. Like the only way I can describe it is I was sort of being tough on myself in thinking I missed it big time. Trusting in the moment of time but now second guessing myself if I heard Holy Spirit because of all this exposure coming out in regard to some of these ministers/ministries.
My friend point blank asked me who is telling me these thoughts when they know I was walking in obedience then and now second guessing it. I replied it was me trying to justify and undo what I did then. She was kind enough to tell me how I was talking without hope in my heart and kept looking back and not moving forward in my life. She is right and I thanked her and told her I was going to try and watch less of those kind of videos and focus more on evangelism. In the moments in which I was trying to go back and erase in my life or be particularly critical of my life would be erasing what Holy Spirit did through me and I asked for forgiveness. I cannot undo what was done in following Holy Spirit direction.
Yes, updated knowledge is good in a persons life but don't let it bog you down okay. In that time possibly it was what was needed in my very life and I did experience Holy Spirit. When I had such a yearning in my heart to make sure Jeff Jansen had a grave marker and I championed that cause and there is a grave marker there this very day @ his gravesite. Yes, since then I have seen photos of him "grave sucking" at grave sights but that was before I even knew that minister. Who am I to judge what Holy Spirit was doing in his life at that moment in time. That is not for me to judge. I gleaned what I was to glean the few years I attended that church.
Then to find out recently how allegedly there was a school the church had and there were people involved in SRA way before I ever attended that church. I heard one of the podcasters mention him along with others and then I inquired of a friend as to whom they thought would have been the person in Jeff's inner circle that shared that with the podcaster. Can you see why this has been a bit overwhelming in my life. I suggested for this friend to reach out to the podcaster and share what they had to say. You know, one can only suggest to another and it is their choice to actually do something like write them to clarify stuff.
Yesterday as we were sharing and how that friend was upset with what a podcaster said about a few prophets they followed it bothered them and they thought the person was a bit pompous in their manner of sharing/exposing. I suggested the same thing. I gave them that persons email and said if they had something on their heart to share their viewpoint about it to just write them and I said Holy Spirit will provide the words for them if led to write. I guess I think nothing of composing Holy Spirit inspired emails, letters, notecards, etc. because writing does tend to come to me in a natural sense and Holy Spirit just is so faithful to be with me as I compose. I am truly most thankful for that.
I have written to a governor; Pope Francis, President Trump, First Lady Melania, Senator, amongst others. I have also reached out to people by calling office phone numbers. It is as though the thoughts are composed inside of me and I just flow in sharing what I have on my heart. I am gracious but I can also speak with a tone of displeasure if something is really upsetting to me also. You can see how I write if you ever read any of my blog posts. There tends to be certain cause I tend to inquire about. As an example ... there is a federal building in Downtown Cleveland, Ohio in which employees are working with plastic bags over drinking fountains to not drink water with lead in it. Asbestos in the building and bed bugs on the first floor. No one should even have to walk into that building let alone work in conditions like that in my opinion. I lived in Ohio for about 50 years and actually I interviewed in that very building for a position with a federal agency before I moved out of Ohio. Funny enough, I was next on the list to be hired and that would have probably kept me living in Ohio but I received a phone call stating how I was the next on the list to be hired but there were budget cuts. I had such a high score on my Customer Service test that they tole me the score would not expire and I would keep it indefinitely. I do believe that very score helped me a few years later when I was hired by that agency but in a different state. Once I was going through work emails and sure enough I was already in the system because I saw emails sent to me from the agency in Ohio inviting me to chili cook off's and bake sales, isn't that interesting. I was 1 phone call away from accepting a job in Ohio and I would have never left to go on the journey that took me to GA and TN. See, I could relate to that particular building and I wrote an email to our current VP since a friend of mine shared how when he was not VP he actually at one time had an office in that very building. I also called the local office of the newly elected Senator in that region to see if they could do anything about either cleaning up this federal building or having it shut down until it was appropriate for employees to work in it.
I guess I cannot take my writing/speaking up for underdogs lightly because maybe others may be thinking the same but don't have a gentle boldness to seek and get answers to questions where I do. I am not bragging just sharing that when a cause is in my heart I will champion that cause to hopefully help others. Sometimes that very championing tends to be for my cause also.
Do not back down from your calling okay. I was up early this morning and felt led to pick up my old Catholic bible and look through it. On the very page where it says This Holy Bible presented to I notated on 11/21/2099 :DON'T LOOK BACK-GO FORWARD. Almost what my friend shared with me yesterday, quit looking back and wanting to undo but move forward. Then on 6/11/2000 @ Church on the North Coast I jotted down "Every time a believer becomes lukewarm-the gospel is at risk."
In the later 1990's I took a bible study class with Trinity Lutheran Church in the city in which I resided in at the time. Pastor Parker shared so much insight when we went through the Book of Revelation. So many notes I wrote in the margins of that book in that very bible. I cannot go back because God has brought me forward in my life and Holy Spirit is with me every step of the way. Another piece of paper was tucked inside this bible. At the time I was sharing with 1 of my children how to hear Holy Spirit speaking to you. I shared with this child and then we got quiet to hear what Holy Spirit was speaking to both of us and this is what we wrote down on a piece of paper:
At the time I must have needed a CAR and my child wrote this:
Coming soon; And trust until it comes; Rejoice when you get it. We did get the car needed.
I wrote about JOY:
Jesus paid the price for our freedom; Only you can share your story with others; You will see Jesus & all will know that you were with Him
This little piece of paper tucked in this very bible is so endearing to me for it is printed in my child's printing and mine also.
