There are 3 possible events going on this weekend. 2 I am permitted to go to, 1 am forbidden to go to. I stopped whining and complaining in this area of my life. I can honestly say this if I may. A year ago, I would have chosen 1 of the 3 over all of the choices. I am seeing that I truly am yielding to the will of God in my life. I am most grateful as tears well up in my eyes as I share today. The day I drove to Manchester/Tullahoma I heard the voice of the Lord where not to go this weekend. Holy Spirit knew my heart of sympathy was going to try and let me think it was ok to go even though I heard the voice of Holy Spirit. It was on the day of fasting and praying that He quietly spoke to me again, do not go. I will not go. See, I have faith enough to believe He could send my angel to that gathering in place of me physically going if He wanted to.
I am a person drawn to things by my heart, you should know that by now. I gave my word about something, and I cannot draw back on it. My hands are tied so to speak and until they are untied, I have to stay clear if that makes sense. A wink and a word will not take the place of an apology. There comes a time when one must be humble and actually apologize. I so easily forgive others, but I have also grown in wisdom of the Lord this past year. I am not walking into a situation in which intercessors are there to pray against the love of God in my heart. The glory of God that shines forth because I love, trust and obey Holy Spirit. I am sorry if you do not like what I have sacrificed for in my life to let my desires be put on hold so to speak to go on journeys with Holy Spirit. I have cultivated this freedom because I was set free from the bondage of being controlled by others years ago. When I am somewhere and I see or sense this certain group of women it tends to be, it is like a spirit of lack of freedom blankets the atmosphere. I cannot explain it but let me tell you I have experienced it and know what I am talking about. This time, Holy Spirit is not allowing me to sit under this attempted bondage. Maybe you do not care but I certainly do. When I have experienced this by 5 (why does this number keep increasing instead of decreasing?) particular women intercessors over a period of time it causes me to wonder. I see that they are gaining more and more control that is given to them. I have experienced each one of these women giving me not very nice looks when I see them at events. Why? I struggled with this for a long time and would ask my friends why do they give these looks to me. I am filled with the joy of the Lord and for some reason the anointing spills forth when I am at where I am supposed to be, where Holy Spirit guided me to go. I think they may not like the freedom I flow in or maybe I am trampling on their hidden desires within their very hearts. It is the look like "What is she doing here."
I am sure Jesus must have gotten that look plenty of times. Guess what He did, He continued on in being there and did not let the naysayers cause Him to back down and back away right. I tend to do the same thing. They give the nasty look to me and I shut my eyes and worship Jesus. If He calls me to interact with another I do so. I am sometimes a bit uncomfortable in doing so in the waiting moments leading up to the interaction but when the moment is there all the apprehension melts away and the purpose is done. To bring glory to God and that is why I yield, the greater glory truly does go to God and not man.
Yesterday on my lunch break I sat in the green space where I reside to absorb the warmth while reading. I paused and followed instruction by Jennifer Eivaz in a book I am reading. I followed instruction and I saw Jesus by the water on a beach and He was beckoning with His hand motion to me to come to Him as He was cooking a meal over fire on the beach. I went and we talked. Right there, outside on the courtyard area of where I reside. I asked Him a pertinent question and He re-assured me once again even though it looks so impossible in the natural right now. I even told Him that. I have to trust in this matter. So, as I am heading back inside I see Phoebe, the most adorable little dog of neighbors of mine laying in her bed outside on the patio just resting. I say hello to Phoebe and talk to her like she knows what I am saying to her. She gets up from her bed and walks to the patio fencing to greet me. No barking just her wagging her tail. Her owners shared with me how she really likes me because she only gives her paw to someone she really likes. She did that the other day when I was visiting with them. You know what, I sang her a lullaby the other day, the very one I made up years ago and used to sing to my children. Yes I did. Her owners tell me she wants to go to my apartment I respond it is because of the angels that are here. Animals are very sensitive to the presence of God. I tell my neighbors all the time I am really not a pet person and I am not good at training them either. Too much work and I like the freedom of picking up and just going and not having to worry about what am I going to do with my pet. It is that freedom within that I do not want to be tied down and constrained by surrounding circumstances holding me back from freedom to go. For some reason I am drawn to little Phoebe though. You know sort of like being a grandparent. The children come for a visit and you can indulge them but when the visit is over they then go home for their parents to do all the work portion of taking care of the children. Grandparents have the luxury of having fun and playing but not the work we all did when we were active parenting the children's parents. Does that make sense?
I went to the eye doctor yesterday and all is well with the health of my eyes. I do not even have to upgrade my prescription. I have a great vision insurance plan and what do I do with my 1 allotted pair of frames and lenses covered for the year now? I brought them some of Grandma's poppyseed cake recipe I made the other day for the office staff. I made a small corned beef the other day. I know I have a free 1 pound of deli corned beef waiting for me to pick up but there just is something about fresh made corned beef you make at home, do you agree? I went to bed last night knowing there would be snow coming during the night. I got up in the middle of the night and saw it coming down. I went back to bed. I pulled all of my plants off of my patio rail yesterday and covered them with a towel last night. I had to protect the tender, growing plants from the harsh outside conditions heading my way. Before I went to bed last night I checked on them. The wind was whipping up pretty good and I had to re-adjust the towel and anchor it with a folded patio camp chair to secure them from the harsh winds and soon coming snow.
Are you protecting your tender heart from the surrounding voices speaking into your life? You should be. My act yesterday was a parable maybe to share with you. The seemingly good ones you allow to speak into your life and heart just may be the very ones out to get something from you. Be cautious of ulterior motives of others under the guise of them praying for you. There comes a time when you have to pull back and not rely on the voices of others but only yield to the voice of the Father. You know better don't you but you feel like maybe it is time to let others do the thinking for you. Don't give in because your miracle is right there, see it, do not let go of it ok. Your miracle is closer than you may sense, don't let go of it.
I was shown in a brief dream the other day that someone is going to be taken advantage of their good heart/nature by those they trusted. It is not a hopeless dream I had, oh no quite the opposite. I saw this person all by themself is a wheat field with the golden sun shining behind them. No one was behind them because this was a time of personal ministry to them for healing and restoration from this hurt. They were standing with their arms raised up in a light green tee shirt (with no writing on the tee shirt, it was not quite mint green color, but I heard a pale colored fatigue green color.) They had on khaki pants. Then the scene was pulled back a bit to see a person from behind ministering to this person. I was not shown who the ministering minister was in the dream, just that the person was being ministered to. I knew as I woke up that all would be well and someone was sent to minister to the need of another. Not before a crowd of people but personal one-on-one ministry.
As I began to write today, I looked out my patio door window to find a little bird underneath my plant stand. By the time I got my phone to take a picture the bird flew away.
Just before publishing this very blog, I just sang Psalm 36 & 37 out loud to the tune of "Amazing Grace" over this very blog entry today 3/12/2022.
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